I am in a mood today :/ The following words all fit into it somehow:
*lonely *anxious *overwhelmed *thoughtful *scared *disappointed *nervous *bored *not-ready
That sums it up pretty well. After a lot of family time this past weekend I find myself back at the apartment alone and left with my thoughts on the impending date of induction. I find this date to be getting scarier and less exciting at this point. I don't feel totally guilty about those feelings either. How can I really beat myself up about something I can't really control. I didn't ask for this clot issue to speed up the whole process, baby didn't either for that matter. Now we are both going to be rushed into beginning this new chapter. I wish I felt more ready to handle all this.
It hit harder when I realized the next time I would see my sister Kellie I would have little Baby in my arms....and it would never ever be the same. Change is such a hard thing to face when it comes to family. On one hand I want everything to stay the same. But after my own experiences living different places I realize it is an impossible wish. I have been equally happy/sad to live far from family as I have been happy/sad living nearby. It's the locations, the environments and the people that nurture all the happy times. And it is the memories of those cities an people that give me sadness when I am not with them. Such an unfair predicament. How do you cope with that sort of change?
2 comments:
although i'm not familiar with inducing, i can really relate with your fear of change in family.
i wasn't ready at all to meet hana even when i went into labor at 38 weeks.
you will miss those days of when it was just the two of you (i still do after 2 years), but give it time, and though it sounds cliche and trite, you really won't be able to imagine life without your child anymore. life won't ever the same, but this change will become normal!
if i'm able to think like this with someone difficult as hana, chances are you'll be even quicker in thinking this. :D
eh, it might not be much comfort, but hang in there, laura!!!
Megumi you are the best. I am conforted by your words :)
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