Gulp......in less than 24 hours I'll be checking into the hospital to begin the induction. Baby has been a squirmy guy this past week, I think in anticipation of meeting his really nervous parents and his very anxious grandparents and aunts! Whew.
Nervousnessssssssssssssssssssss.
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Friday, April 30, 2010
Buying Time
What a weird experience an amniocentesis is. All is fine and everyone did well through the procedure. Jon benefited from being blocked by my Doctor as she went in with the actual needle. But he did get to see it happening, we all did, on the ultrasound. So strange to see this thin needle poke through to Baby's home! I only could imagine it being like a giant water balloon that if you pierce it with anything it will pop or at least leak. Fortunately neither of those things happened. How does that work!?
So after we watched her suction out a couple teaspoons of fluid she pulled the needle and we watched baby for a little. Just to reaffirm he wasn't stressed, which he wasn't. Pretty calm actually. The tech was happily playing around with the 4D imaging and saying how cute he was. He looks way more babylike now with his accumulated fat. But we didn't get to see how much he weighed which maybe I don't want to know anyway.
This morning my Doctor called me with the results. His lungs are in transitional stage, meaning he just isn't ready for the big debut yet. I guess he made our decision easier. We'll simply have to wait a little longer for him. No prob. She has tentatively scheduled me for induction on May 10th, which is funny because that's my Mom's birthday! How sweet if they could share. Of course that means he'll make me miss my first Mother's Day! Oh well :)
The positive thing about getting an extension on Baby time is that I'll get to finish up a last minute project that I fell in love with. I am making some sweet fabric bookshelves to go up on his nursery. I stole the idea from Ohdeedoh website which has really sweet ideas. I'll post the pictures of that and the final nursery, long in the making, soon :)
So after we watched her suction out a couple teaspoons of fluid she pulled the needle and we watched baby for a little. Just to reaffirm he wasn't stressed, which he wasn't. Pretty calm actually. The tech was happily playing around with the 4D imaging and saying how cute he was. He looks way more babylike now with his accumulated fat. But we didn't get to see how much he weighed which maybe I don't want to know anyway.
This morning my Doctor called me with the results. His lungs are in transitional stage, meaning he just isn't ready for the big debut yet. I guess he made our decision easier. We'll simply have to wait a little longer for him. No prob. She has tentatively scheduled me for induction on May 10th, which is funny because that's my Mom's birthday! How sweet if they could share. Of course that means he'll make me miss my first Mother's Day! Oh well :)
The positive thing about getting an extension on Baby time is that I'll get to finish up a last minute project that I fell in love with. I am making some sweet fabric bookshelves to go up on his nursery. I stole the idea from Ohdeedoh website which has really sweet ideas. I'll post the pictures of that and the final nursery, long in the making, soon :)
Monday, April 26, 2010
Checklist
1. baby appointment- check
2. Diagnosis of Bladder infection- check
3. Diagnosis of Positive Strep B test- check
4. Blood draw to check heparin levels- check
I must say that the third trimester truly is the worst of the three, regardless of how nauseous I felt during the first bit. Ugh.
Let's be a bit more positive! So here's my happy checklist;
1. go shopping with soon to be Grandmas (!!) at Hopscotch and be showered with sweet gifts for Weeb- check
2. cancel internet and cable which in turn makes conversation and "real" living occur- check
3. being able to walk to baby appointments and hospital blood draws- check
4. gaining a couple of pounds (thanks to Ben and Jerry's being on sale I think...)- check
5. baby being tentatively "scheduled" for next week (maybeeeeeee?)- check
So, in the end the happy list outweighs the unhappy list. I think I can still be bummed about the whole strep B test, just one more thing to treat. Happily it is 100% responsive to penicillin, which I will be taking every 4 hours prior to delivery while in hospital. Also having a bladder infection when Weeb's head is already using it for a pillow makes life a little more uncomfortable. Oh I forgive him for that though, his comfort over mine I suppose :).
Wednesday is the big amniocentesis day, gulp. Jon will be with me and fingers crossed we will have a painless, successful fluid draw. The results from that will really determine the next step. Hoping for some healthy and mature baby lungs :)
2. Diagnosis of Bladder infection- check
3. Diagnosis of Positive Strep B test- check
4. Blood draw to check heparin levels- check
I must say that the third trimester truly is the worst of the three, regardless of how nauseous I felt during the first bit. Ugh.
Let's be a bit more positive! So here's my happy checklist;
1. go shopping with soon to be Grandmas (!!) at Hopscotch and be showered with sweet gifts for Weeb- check
2. cancel internet and cable which in turn makes conversation and "real" living occur- check
3. being able to walk to baby appointments and hospital blood draws- check
4. gaining a couple of pounds (thanks to Ben and Jerry's being on sale I think...)- check
5. baby being tentatively "scheduled" for next week (maybeeeeeee?)- check
So, in the end the happy list outweighs the unhappy list. I think I can still be bummed about the whole strep B test, just one more thing to treat. Happily it is 100% responsive to penicillin, which I will be taking every 4 hours prior to delivery while in hospital. Also having a bladder infection when Weeb's head is already using it for a pillow makes life a little more uncomfortable. Oh I forgive him for that though, his comfort over mine I suppose :).
Wednesday is the big amniocentesis day, gulp. Jon will be with me and fingers crossed we will have a painless, successful fluid draw. The results from that will really determine the next step. Hoping for some healthy and mature baby lungs :)
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Stressors
I was doing really well today, very productive and out of the apartment. And then I get hit with worry and it throws me off.
I have a 100 lb weight on my shoulders that isn't likely to go away until sometime in June. That month represents calm to me, a time when I'll be able to breathe a little easier. Kind of a crazy thought because Baby will likely make life a million time more hectic. But he will bring good hectic. I'm talking about losing the scary, tense, nervy worry that attacks me out of the blue. And I don't see that happening til June at the earliest.
I realize wishing something away is pretty futile, but it doesn't really stop my mind from going there. The radiologist called this afternoon checking in on my filter. Yes, it's still there. I hope it's doing its job. I tried to get a few nagging questions in, one being about the 12 week timeline they don't want to exceed.
Why is there a timeline I ask? The filter manufacturer tests indicate after 12 weeks the filter can become embedded in the vena cava making it impossible to remove. In an attempt to be frank she informed me that in some cases filters embed in vein at 8/9 weeks. I am currently at 7 weeks.
Would this be a dangerous thing to happen if it does embed there? They don't like leaving it in young women as there is a risk that any future pregnancy would put pressure on the area and affect me negatively. At this time in my life I can not see putting me and my little growing family at any more risk than needed. And that is a weird feeling to deal with. I've never anticipated having a Laura plus 8 sized family, but I've never really thought about the possibility of being a Laura Plus 2 family either. And it is just an odd scenario to handle at the age of 26.
I need something to distract me from myself and from pregnancy in general. It gets really hard to do because Baby is making himself increasingly more real and work has been prematurely taken out of the equation for me. I look forward to really getting back into exercising my stresses out. Nothing like training for something to distract a wandering mind.
Hey, we made it to 35 weeks :) Good job Weeb.
I have a 100 lb weight on my shoulders that isn't likely to go away until sometime in June. That month represents calm to me, a time when I'll be able to breathe a little easier. Kind of a crazy thought because Baby will likely make life a million time more hectic. But he will bring good hectic. I'm talking about losing the scary, tense, nervy worry that attacks me out of the blue. And I don't see that happening til June at the earliest.
I realize wishing something away is pretty futile, but it doesn't really stop my mind from going there. The radiologist called this afternoon checking in on my filter. Yes, it's still there. I hope it's doing its job. I tried to get a few nagging questions in, one being about the 12 week timeline they don't want to exceed.
Why is there a timeline I ask? The filter manufacturer tests indicate after 12 weeks the filter can become embedded in the vena cava making it impossible to remove. In an attempt to be frank she informed me that in some cases filters embed in vein at 8/9 weeks. I am currently at 7 weeks.
Would this be a dangerous thing to happen if it does embed there? They don't like leaving it in young women as there is a risk that any future pregnancy would put pressure on the area and affect me negatively. At this time in my life I can not see putting me and my little growing family at any more risk than needed. And that is a weird feeling to deal with. I've never anticipated having a Laura plus 8 sized family, but I've never really thought about the possibility of being a Laura Plus 2 family either. And it is just an odd scenario to handle at the age of 26.
I need something to distract me from myself and from pregnancy in general. It gets really hard to do because Baby is making himself increasingly more real and work has been prematurely taken out of the equation for me. I look forward to really getting back into exercising my stresses out. Nothing like training for something to distract a wandering mind.
Hey, we made it to 35 weeks :) Good job Weeb.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
My Adventure with Diapers
I just got back from yet another doctor appointment complete with blood draw. Lovely as ever. Baby is measuring at 34 weeks, meaning he is a touch small (I am 35 weeks tomorrow). But the main thing is he is still growing, sweet. I don't know about me however, my weight hasn't changed in 2 weeks which is a bit concerning to me. I think he eats all my food because I SEE my tummy growing. I'm glad I never anticipated getting pregnancy photos because my stomach looks like it has been beaten up, splotchy with bruises from all those shots. NOT the most glamorous sight to have documented.
So the amniocentesis is scheduled for next Wed, eek. Pending those results the doctors will then act or not. There is no help in wishing that I could just be normal and wait for baby to decide to come out, that is not in the cards dealt to me. So, my wish now is that the induction will be a success and no cesarean birth will be necessary. I think I can reasonably hope for that .
To get my mind off all that I decided to jump into the messy, stinky and necessary world of diapers. Now we did buy two bags of disposables (went for the more natural ones) but I REALLY do not want to be dependent on plastic diapers. I have faith that I can tackle the old fashioned prefolds and maybe even learn to appreciate them....or at least tolerate them. I trekked to Eastown this morning to Hopscotch Childrens Store and proceeded to spend an hour starring at their options, talking to the helpful owner and snapping a bunch of pocket diapers together. I walked away with these:
6 Bummis Prefolds, 2 snappis, an Econobum cover with insert and a BumGenius with inserts. These are nowhere near enough to last a weeb for a day but I'm hoping to figure out which I want to invest in. Crossing my fingers for Econobum, which like it implies is the most economic choice.
I never babysat actual diaper-wearing babies before. I know I will need practice. Luckily Mousey volunteered for the job.
So the amniocentesis is scheduled for next Wed, eek. Pending those results the doctors will then act or not. There is no help in wishing that I could just be normal and wait for baby to decide to come out, that is not in the cards dealt to me. So, my wish now is that the induction will be a success and no cesarean birth will be necessary. I think I can reasonably hope for that .
To get my mind off all that I decided to jump into the messy, stinky and necessary world of diapers. Now we did buy two bags of disposables (went for the more natural ones) but I REALLY do not want to be dependent on plastic diapers. I have faith that I can tackle the old fashioned prefolds and maybe even learn to appreciate them....or at least tolerate them. I trekked to Eastown this morning to Hopscotch Childrens Store and proceeded to spend an hour starring at their options, talking to the helpful owner and snapping a bunch of pocket diapers together. I walked away with these:
6 Bummis Prefolds, 2 snappis, an Econobum cover with insert and a BumGenius with inserts. These are nowhere near enough to last a weeb for a day but I'm hoping to figure out which I want to invest in. Crossing my fingers for Econobum, which like it implies is the most economic choice.
I never babysat actual diaper-wearing babies before. I know I will need practice. Luckily Mousey volunteered for the job.
Snappi + Econobum prefold + Mousey =
I don't know if that would hold much of anything. Plus I think I folded it wrong. But it is a start and Mousey did not cry even once. What a trooper.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Shoppers R Us
I am up earl(ish) on this crispy sun-filled morning. I couldn't help but pass out a little on the early side last night after a day of shopping, relaxing, movie watching and pizza eating. I think I might have had a real craving last night, it took the form of Pizza Hut's cheesy breadsticks. I couldn't help myself, I needed them. So Jon being sweet ordered me some along with a pizza that I didn't really touch but he enjoyed. I gobbled a couple of the sticks and my tummy was instantly full. I find I'm either famished and demanding food or full and complaining about my stuffed stomach. Finding the middle point hasn't been my strong suit. We also watched a Single Man, which was sad but thoughtful.
Before all that though was the enormous shopping spree to Babies'R'Us. We both started off pretty excited about it. We were going to pick up the final "necessities" of the baby project. Who knows if these products are true necessities, likely not but it does get to feel like that anyway. We grabbed the cart and jumped right in, throwing thermometers and washcloths into the big purple abyss. Then the big guy, the car seat shocked me into $ reality. Ouch. Jon wisely opted for the one that carries a heavier child even though it was pricier than the one I was eyeballing.
Things got more confusing when confronted with the diaper aisle. I HATE the idea of disposables going from package to bum to garbage to landfill. Ugh. However daunting the cloth diaper experience seems I will stick it out. But of course the store only had g-diapers which I wasn't going to do, so we picked up one small starter package of newbie diapers to get us through, what a day or two? Who knows. I better get on ordering those cloth ones...
By the end of it all we both sort of melted down in those display rockers. Surrounded by all thins baby makes you feel like you must provide it all to not slight the baby! But what does he care really? Does he need half that stuff? Ugh. It's all very cute, and the consumerist in me wants a bunch of it but every other part of me is a little grossed out by it all. I hope we're done shopping for a while.
Made it to 34.5 weeks now and going much stronger now that blood clot and virus have been put in their respective places.
I really need a new hair style...
Before all that though was the enormous shopping spree to Babies'R'Us. We both started off pretty excited about it. We were going to pick up the final "necessities" of the baby project. Who knows if these products are true necessities, likely not but it does get to feel like that anyway. We grabbed the cart and jumped right in, throwing thermometers and washcloths into the big purple abyss. Then the big guy, the car seat shocked me into $ reality. Ouch. Jon wisely opted for the one that carries a heavier child even though it was pricier than the one I was eyeballing.
Things got more confusing when confronted with the diaper aisle. I HATE the idea of disposables going from package to bum to garbage to landfill. Ugh. However daunting the cloth diaper experience seems I will stick it out. But of course the store only had g-diapers which I wasn't going to do, so we picked up one small starter package of newbie diapers to get us through, what a day or two? Who knows. I better get on ordering those cloth ones...
By the end of it all we both sort of melted down in those display rockers. Surrounded by all thins baby makes you feel like you must provide it all to not slight the baby! But what does he care really? Does he need half that stuff? Ugh. It's all very cute, and the consumerist in me wants a bunch of it but every other part of me is a little grossed out by it all. I hope we're done shopping for a while.
Made it to 34.5 weeks now and going much stronger now that blood clot and virus have been put in their respective places.
I really need a new hair style...
Thursday, April 1, 2010
A Touch of Grace
Jon and I have been challenged big time, well more than we expected to be, this last month. It has been pretty unsettling at times. Questions about health and safety have been preoccupying ours minds ever since I was hospitalized with that horrendous blood clot. Today my doctor called to tell me my blood levels have stablized (finally!) and I am therapeutic for now. No more bloodwork til next week. This makes me breath a little easier, good news for sure but still it remains an issue to bother me. As my tummy grows I get increasingly nervy about the possibility of a cesarean being called for in case my body isn't willing to cooperate at 36 weeks.
So now I'm beginning to give the weeb inside the expanding belly
pep talks and a heads up that things will be moving perhaps sooner than he wants them to.
Seemingly out of the blue many great things have come our way this past week. Out of what looked to be a perfect storm of terribleness a bright light has broken through. These mini miracles include getting a sweet tax return back, showing the apartment to some very interested people (to get out of our pricey lease sooner than Sept), having a familiar and stable place to land when relocating the soon-to-be three of us, and becoming eligible to be on Jon's insurance (which sure beat out my lame one). All amazing things that could not have lined up more perfectly to reassure me that it really will be OKAY.
And today was a GREAT day. Aside from a pretty rough night of being kept up by a dancing baby and a gross case of nasal drip the day turned out lovely.
I began a project that was inspired by this amazing mobile at blablakids.com.
My intention was to knit a little blue bird, but I believe he has morphed into an elephant
This will become his trunk and head, I hope! I'm without a pattern so its kind of a hit and a miss.
Could the day get better? Well it did. I had this decadent Mint Mocha at Bigby's, handed the girl my punch card to pay for the overpriced concoction ($5 what!?) and much to my surprise she said "oh that's your free one! Do you want to get the bigger size?" I not only got to keep my fiver but I enjoyed the drink even more (and no I didn't get the bigger size, there should not be a bigger size than that monster!)
I decided to put my fiver to good use and stopped at Schuler's on the way home to buy my favorite magazine ELLE. I would buy these (the small pocket sized ones) when I lived in Finland every month and would read them cover to cover. So that's what I'll do now, move down to the porch, put my feet up and read while I wait for Jon to come home.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
31.5 weeks
Date night for Jonny's birthday. We went to the Green Well and ate like kings :) He had a steak he's been craving for weeks and I had some yummy fish tacos.
Hi Jon!
You look sweet too :)
Weeb and me at 31.5 weeks.
Since last week he has really gotten bigger I think.
Right now his favorite activities include toe touches, dancing the "running man", and general calisthenics. He does however work out too much often to the point of giving himself long bouts of hiccups.
My favorite activities include sleeping in well past when I should be awake, reading juvenile fiction, watching Animal Planet, cooking dinner and going for walks.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Cravings
It has been a long time coming but I think....I am starting to get cravings. Sadly they are not for the healthy, baby-friendly foods I ought to eat like these
No, it is now for certain. I have a raging sweet tooth. I really really appreciate a good baked good or ice cream. Yeesh. These are the foods my taste buds cry for
No, it is now for certain. I have a raging sweet tooth. I really really appreciate a good baked good or ice cream. Yeesh. These are the foods my taste buds cry for
Oh boy.
I think there are two mindsets the pregnant lady can take on throughout the time, a) you're preggers, deal with it and eat or b) lets try to maintain similar eating patterns and be health concious most of the time. I would say I subscribe to the second mindset (most of the time).
I have always grazed throughout the day so my eating patterns haven't changed much, I still feel like I accumulate a good amount of food over the 24 hours. Most of which I would categorize as healthy. And yes, the pounds have slowly been accumulating. I kind of had an idea of the total weight gain I would like to see, but realizing I've never been here before I was, and am, willing to be flexible with myself. I just feel better having a range to try to stick to. While on bedrest in the hospital I was sure the poundage would overtake me as there was no way to move about. So I was a little surprised to step on the scale at my docs yesterday and still register where I had aimed to be at 30. *during the hospital stay they weighed me twice and I weighed a full 8 lbs more due to all those liquids and fluid retention!
I do realize weight gain shouldn't take center stage during pregnancy, and I promise I'm not being a total freak about it. But now that I find myself drawn to the sweet stuff I'm a little more wary of what this might lead to, gulp. For now I try to tell myself what comes up will go down (please!) and to be happy that my leg seems to be on the mend and my mobility is slowly improving with every day. However I might have to re-work my year's list and push back the marathon attempt one more year....:)
Friday, March 19, 2010
A-ha
Sister wants her daily post, so here you go :)
Now we have answers to my sad blood clot. I got my blood drawn AGAIN this morning with the help of my sweet Mom who was my chaffeur for me. After a quick nap we went to Baby appointment. He was of course silly and tumbly, but still quite adorable. After an extra large lunch at Arnies I said good-bye to Mom and drove myself home. Hooray, I can still manage to drive. Although hopefully I wont be doing much of that.
My doctor called me this afternoon to say my heparin levels were way high, meaning my blood was too thin. Ugh- too thin, too thick. He said I need to be careful and avoid trauma. So now I am lying on the couch and thinking I should rubber pad the entire apartment. In fact, I'll let Jon open the mail...in case of papercuts. Starting tomorrow I'm up to 3x a day heparin shots BUT less meds, so forget the 3 needles every time. Thank goodness. I can even skip tonites dose which will let my poor tummy heal from all those pokes over the week.
Now the answer. I have a genetic clotting disorder called Factor V. Now we know. I was really annoyed yesterday reading What to Expect When You're Expecting because they said DVT's were so rare only 1 in 10,000 pregnancies have an occurance. That made me mad. Now I guess there is a little more of an answer behind it.
Now we have answers to my sad blood clot. I got my blood drawn AGAIN this morning with the help of my sweet Mom who was my chaffeur for me. After a quick nap we went to Baby appointment. He was of course silly and tumbly, but still quite adorable. After an extra large lunch at Arnies I said good-bye to Mom and drove myself home. Hooray, I can still manage to drive. Although hopefully I wont be doing much of that.
My doctor called me this afternoon to say my heparin levels were way high, meaning my blood was too thin. Ugh- too thin, too thick. He said I need to be careful and avoid trauma. So now I am lying on the couch and thinking I should rubber pad the entire apartment. In fact, I'll let Jon open the mail...in case of papercuts. Starting tomorrow I'm up to 3x a day heparin shots BUT less meds, so forget the 3 needles every time. Thank goodness. I can even skip tonites dose which will let my poor tummy heal from all those pokes over the week.
Now the answer. I have a genetic clotting disorder called Factor V. Now we know. I was really annoyed yesterday reading What to Expect When You're Expecting because they said DVT's were so rare only 1 in 10,000 pregnancies have an occurance. That made me mad. Now I guess there is a little more of an answer behind it.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
A Revised Plan of Attack
Okay! I am at home in our very very messy Grand Rapids apartment. I really can't complain about the mess, I would'v wanted Jon to be with me at the hospital like he has been than cleaning up here. Now I'm fighting the urge to get up and start cleaning properly. My leg is doing a good job of discouraging that clean behavior too. Plus it's really awkward to handle the crutches in the skinny hallways we have here. So for today I have agreed to fold a ton of laundry from my perch on the couch while Jon does the heavy lifting up and down to the basement.
As far as next medical steps here's the plan. I will be poking my tummy with heparin shots twice a day until baby is induced somewhere around 36 weeks (which is frightenly nearing). I will have daily blood draws at clinics daily starting this morning until my doctors are happy with my blood levels being at a therapeutic anti-coagulent level. Hopefully that'll settle down within a few days. And finally I will be making weekly visits to by OB doc to check on baby. He meanwhile is doing just fine. After breakfast yesterday I was put on the monitor to listen to him and the little boy was so squirrly it was hard to get a consistent heartrate. Then after 10 minutes of flips and rolls he chilled only to start hiccupping for the following 5 minutes. He is going to be such a silly little boy!
Now for the Laura sanity plan: I will take this time to finish my several crafts in the making including painting (from a chair) and finishing my frog man knitted stuffed animal. In addition, because I will have time, I will return to my secondary plan of relearning Spanish. Cross my fingers I'll be able to start taking a language class next fall. I would really love to add a bilingual extension to my resume (even if my ESL certificate is junk in MI) in hopes to rangle a job using both languages. Might as well use the time I have to focus a little. Because baby is coming.....so so soon!
As far as next medical steps here's the plan. I will be poking my tummy with heparin shots twice a day until baby is induced somewhere around 36 weeks (which is frightenly nearing). I will have daily blood draws at clinics daily starting this morning until my doctors are happy with my blood levels being at a therapeutic anti-coagulent level. Hopefully that'll settle down within a few days. And finally I will be making weekly visits to by OB doc to check on baby. He meanwhile is doing just fine. After breakfast yesterday I was put on the monitor to listen to him and the little boy was so squirrly it was hard to get a consistent heartrate. Then after 10 minutes of flips and rolls he chilled only to start hiccupping for the following 5 minutes. He is going to be such a silly little boy!
Now for the Laura sanity plan: I will take this time to finish my several crafts in the making including painting (from a chair) and finishing my frog man knitted stuffed animal. In addition, because I will have time, I will return to my secondary plan of relearning Spanish. Cross my fingers I'll be able to start taking a language class next fall. I would really love to add a bilingual extension to my resume (even if my ESL certificate is junk in MI) in hopes to rangle a job using both languages. Might as well use the time I have to focus a little. Because baby is coming.....so so soon!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Psych
Hello Wednesday. Good morning flowers on my shelf- they really are lovely and the nurses say they smell wonderful (I'm a bit stuffed up so I will trust their judgement). I'm going to make other Michaganders sad in greeting the cloudy day with a welcomed smile. Yes I was really jealous that my leg choose the key sunny pre-Spring week of the year to be in hospital while everyone else caught some beautious rays. I could use a cloudy day to make me feel better about staying in here a bit longer.
As my physical self is slow to recover my mental self is getting pretty itchy at being confined to one place. I would never wish this on anyone, never ever.
Currently I am struggling with the ugly question of why. It's hard not to feel a "why me" moment several times a day. What a useless question to ask. There is of course no answer. Even the blood work is slow to come back and will likely be inconclusive as to a reason for this. So many women are pregnant around me, I can't look at facebook without seeing another announcement. And I am so so happy for them. I am so happy for the little families I see around me. It's so hard to not be able to feel that right now. I do trust our little family will be together, but it hurts mentally right now to feel insecure about the thing I want most.
This is hard now. I hope it will fade into a story that we tell Baby later on.
As my physical self is slow to recover my mental self is getting pretty itchy at being confined to one place. I would never wish this on anyone, never ever.
Currently I am struggling with the ugly question of why. It's hard not to feel a "why me" moment several times a day. What a useless question to ask. There is of course no answer. Even the blood work is slow to come back and will likely be inconclusive as to a reason for this. So many women are pregnant around me, I can't look at facebook without seeing another announcement. And I am so so happy for them. I am so happy for the little families I see around me. It's so hard to not be able to feel that right now. I do trust our little family will be together, but it hurts mentally right now to feel insecure about the thing I want most.
This is hard now. I hope it will fade into a story that we tell Baby later on.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Revised Goal for the Year: Be Flexible in all Things
I'm sitting/reclining here in the hospital bed, my home since last thursday. It appears to be a beautiful day out again, you lucky ones that can get out to enjoy it. I will likely be in here for the rest of the week, me and baby boy Randall. I don't think he minds so much. Twice daily I've gotten to hear him beat away at a pretty steady 140 range and do little flips and adjustments. He is awfully cute already, if not a bit silly :)
Our little family has been going through quite a few trials. How quickly things come out of nowhere to derail you and your expectations. Our biggest expectation, baby's big arrival into our waiting arms, has been pushed forward. Now I like getting presents early but babies are another story. They seem to have a estimated time of arrival that one doesn't want to rush. Baby Randall will with us a full month early as of now, scheduled for a 36 week delivery. Thus changing his birthday month from May to April. We are nervous now. I felt like I needed every week in preparation for baby, mentally and physically. Now I feel the countdown.
I know baby will be a strong little guy, I trust he will be up to speed and weight so he can comfortably be at home with us. What I'm worried about is me, will I be a healthy mom for him? This blod clot has done a number on me. Will I be back to normal-Laura body ever? Not just talking about about weight, but health and fitness. I saw the colorful clot-monster on my second leg ultrasound yesterday and it was really hard to keep it together. My entire left thigh up to my big central torso vein has clot. It looks scary. The ultrasound tech felt bad for me and scanned over baby to try to cheer me. He was of course cute as ever- even saw he has hair on his head! I knew he'd be a hairy guy. But it's hard not to be distracted by that ugly colorful picture behind the little baby.
I want to be healthy for me and baby. I wanted to do so many things this year. All I can see for sure now is the need to keep calm and flexible. Both are going to be hard to do. But baby and I are in it together and Jon is being strong and supportive and we are surrounded by family and friends that want us to be well. So for the hundreth time today I will remind myself of the good things coming and positive things happening and try to steer clear of the unpleasant thoughts that loiter around my brain.
Our little family has been going through quite a few trials. How quickly things come out of nowhere to derail you and your expectations. Our biggest expectation, baby's big arrival into our waiting arms, has been pushed forward. Now I like getting presents early but babies are another story. They seem to have a estimated time of arrival that one doesn't want to rush. Baby Randall will with us a full month early as of now, scheduled for a 36 week delivery. Thus changing his birthday month from May to April. We are nervous now. I felt like I needed every week in preparation for baby, mentally and physically. Now I feel the countdown.
I know baby will be a strong little guy, I trust he will be up to speed and weight so he can comfortably be at home with us. What I'm worried about is me, will I be a healthy mom for him? This blod clot has done a number on me. Will I be back to normal-Laura body ever? Not just talking about about weight, but health and fitness. I saw the colorful clot-monster on my second leg ultrasound yesterday and it was really hard to keep it together. My entire left thigh up to my big central torso vein has clot. It looks scary. The ultrasound tech felt bad for me and scanned over baby to try to cheer me. He was of course cute as ever- even saw he has hair on his head! I knew he'd be a hairy guy. But it's hard not to be distracted by that ugly colorful picture behind the little baby.
I want to be healthy for me and baby. I wanted to do so many things this year. All I can see for sure now is the need to keep calm and flexible. Both are going to be hard to do. But baby and I are in it together and Jon is being strong and supportive and we are surrounded by family and friends that want us to be well. So for the hundreth time today I will remind myself of the good things coming and positive things happening and try to steer clear of the unpleasant thoughts that loiter around my brain.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Time Out
Well yesterday I was in pain with no answers and now today I'm in pain with answers and some nerves. I went in for the leg/groin ultrasound at 1:30 with a very patient husband coaching me down the stairs, across the sidewalk and into the car (a whopping 5 min procedure) driving me in and then caching/being a human crutch to walk to the entrance where thank goodness a wheelchair was parked and i gladly stole.
Pain. Lots of it. The ultrasound tech took pics and i wish i couldve interpreted them- all the blues, oranges and reds mving around. Ten minutes later she's back saying "there's a lot of clot from your groin to your knee, which means we're admitting you now".
Off we went via wheelchair, a little glossy eyed and into OB triage. Everyon wanted to talk to us. Vampira came a drained about 15 vials of blood! Texts flew off toward family members. Dad showed up shortly after complete with helmet fresh off the bike. Mom was there shortly after. Baby was monitored the whole while- at least he sounded happy.
Then came the IV with blood thinners. Then they decided to do an MRI(V) to look and see where these buggers travelled and how far up. 30 minutes later I'm shoveled off the MRI board onto a gurny for alittle procedure involving novacane, a catheter and a tiny metal umbrella. They noticed the clot was high enough to be concerning and guided in the little clot catcher umbrella through a catheter through my jugular. ugh, in my neck! First try was an ill fit so they did it once more til successful.
Now I lie here with slightly swollen legs, a sore groin and ouchy neck. But we are here, baby and me. We'll even see baby 2 weeks sooner than expected as they want to induce earlier at 38 weeks.
Moral of the story- figure out what is and isn't "normal" preggo pains.
Pain. Lots of it. The ultrasound tech took pics and i wish i couldve interpreted them- all the blues, oranges and reds mving around. Ten minutes later she's back saying "there's a lot of clot from your groin to your knee, which means we're admitting you now".
Off we went via wheelchair, a little glossy eyed and into OB triage. Everyon wanted to talk to us. Vampira came a drained about 15 vials of blood! Texts flew off toward family members. Dad showed up shortly after complete with helmet fresh off the bike. Mom was there shortly after. Baby was monitored the whole while- at least he sounded happy.
Then came the IV with blood thinners. Then they decided to do an MRI(V) to look and see where these buggers travelled and how far up. 30 minutes later I'm shoveled off the MRI board onto a gurny for alittle procedure involving novacane, a catheter and a tiny metal umbrella. They noticed the clot was high enough to be concerning and guided in the little clot catcher umbrella through a catheter through my jugular. ugh, in my neck! First try was an ill fit so they did it once more til successful.
Now I lie here with slightly swollen legs, a sore groin and ouchy neck. But we are here, baby and me. We'll even see baby 2 weeks sooner than expected as they want to induce earlier at 38 weeks.
Moral of the story- figure out what is and isn't "normal" preggo pains.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Immobility + Pain
Things could always get worse from a situtation you feel is really bad. Last week I was struggling with a killer lower back ache, centered around couple of unhappy knots. So annoying was it that I began to compensate how I walked to make the left back feel less strain. This only worsened things it seems.
Today is my 3rd day off from work. I am to a point where standing vertically is a chore and walking is excruciating. I hobble, I limp, I drag my left leg around with me. The pain is radiating out of my left groin and hip, just where your hip flexor is. Mom took convinced me to walk in to my doctor's office to have it looked at. They were slightly concerned of a blood clot. My blood pressure was 30 points higher than normal which just hearing that stresses me out more. But they concluded I have acute back spasms playing tug of war across my torso. Another doc manipulated my leg this way and that, making my eyes weepy :( I think he was sorry to make me hurt, he even gave me a hug and a perscription of muscle relaxors.
This hasn't helped, its now 3 days later and my mobility appears to be be even worse. This makes me scared that 1) it will last for the duration of the pregnancy 2) it really is a blood clot 3)I just wont get better.
I miss my legs, I miss the beautiful pre-Spring days that have been going on lately. I need my mobility back, and I will never complain about a back ache again.
Today is my 3rd day off from work. I am to a point where standing vertically is a chore and walking is excruciating. I hobble, I limp, I drag my left leg around with me. The pain is radiating out of my left groin and hip, just where your hip flexor is. Mom took convinced me to walk in to my doctor's office to have it looked at. They were slightly concerned of a blood clot. My blood pressure was 30 points higher than normal which just hearing that stresses me out more. But they concluded I have acute back spasms playing tug of war across my torso. Another doc manipulated my leg this way and that, making my eyes weepy :( I think he was sorry to make me hurt, he even gave me a hug and a perscription of muscle relaxors.
This hasn't helped, its now 3 days later and my mobility appears to be be even worse. This makes me scared that 1) it will last for the duration of the pregnancy 2) it really is a blood clot 3)I just wont get better.
I miss my legs, I miss the beautiful pre-Spring days that have been going on lately. I need my mobility back, and I will never complain about a back ache again.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
pain
crazy crazy pain
waking in the middle of the nigh to adjust positions, waking every 2 hours might be good practice but ouch.
baby is chilling on a nerve that shoots down my entire left leg. there are crazy knots to deal with and complain about, and quite often beg a massage for.
thinking a wheelchair would be sweet....
waking in the middle of the nigh to adjust positions, waking every 2 hours might be good practice but ouch.
baby is chilling on a nerve that shoots down my entire left leg. there are crazy knots to deal with and complain about, and quite often beg a massage for.
thinking a wheelchair would be sweet....
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Sizing Up
I knew it would be a little hard mentally to get bigger during pregnancy. Who really wants to gain a serious chunk of weight? The cause is definately worth it but still, mentally taxing to not fit into things and to feel heavier than you're supposed to. I'm not a fan of that part. I'm trying to keep it all in perspective, baby gets bigger so do I. But yesterday I was at the am shift of work and was wearing my go-to jean day jeans with the awesome BellyBand and even though I was securely covered I just felt tight and uncomfortable. So after that shift I went directly to Target and tried on some proper maternity jeans. Interesting.
I don't know why maternity clothes size things the way they do. I know I am one general size in jeans and so I grabbed that size and a size up and down to try on. After trying on the size down I realized that would be the pair to get. But I know I am not this size in regular jeans, why must maternity wear pacify me by making me think I can still wear a smaller size? What do really thin pregnant women do for jeans?? The ones I bought are already bagging on my legs and demanding to be washed to fit better. I can't imagine if my legs were really thin.
There must be a good pair out there for me that fit in the leg and allow the stomach to grow. I really hate having these pants slip down and feel uncomfortably wide in the leg. Yeesh. I look forward to warmer weather so I can get back to more dresses to avoid this issue.
I don't know why maternity clothes size things the way they do. I know I am one general size in jeans and so I grabbed that size and a size up and down to try on. After trying on the size down I realized that would be the pair to get. But I know I am not this size in regular jeans, why must maternity wear pacify me by making me think I can still wear a smaller size? What do really thin pregnant women do for jeans?? The ones I bought are already bagging on my legs and demanding to be washed to fit better. I can't imagine if my legs were really thin.
There must be a good pair out there for me that fit in the leg and allow the stomach to grow. I really hate having these pants slip down and feel uncomfortably wide in the leg. Yeesh. I look forward to warmer weather so I can get back to more dresses to avoid this issue.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Birthing Classes with My Stand-In Coach
I met my sweet Mom at the Healthier Communities building downtown this morning to attend my second birthing class through Spectrum Health. Mom has been so nice to agree to take half days for the next couple of Mondays so she can be my stand-in coach. She's not the only Mom coach there, it really is an inconvenient time (9-11:30a), who has this time off work?? Other than my par-time self.
We went over comforting measures, like how to give a good backrub! :) Poor Mom did her best with her good hand, the other still in a soft cast from breaking it a couple weeks ago. It still felt good. One shocking thing was watching THE birth video, yeesh. Another freaky thing was that a pregnant woman in my class had a weird pass out/seizure like episode. It was so sudden and odd. The instructor, an RN, helped her and I think she was alright but just seeing something like that is kind of jarring. All the weird things that can occur during a pregnancy could really drive you nuts thinking about.
But now I am parked her at Panera, eating soup and salad and prepping for the rest of the day. I did really well with last week's goal of knitting every day, I even finished a baby hat! I might keep it up this week to knit another one. The goal this week is to take a long walk daily, talking 30m-hour outside. It always cheers me up, after I get over the brisk cold factor. Wish me luck :)
We went over comforting measures, like how to give a good backrub! :) Poor Mom did her best with her good hand, the other still in a soft cast from breaking it a couple weeks ago. It still felt good. One shocking thing was watching THE birth video, yeesh. Another freaky thing was that a pregnant woman in my class had a weird pass out/seizure like episode. It was so sudden and odd. The instructor, an RN, helped her and I think she was alright but just seeing something like that is kind of jarring. All the weird things that can occur during a pregnancy could really drive you nuts thinking about.
But now I am parked her at Panera, eating soup and salad and prepping for the rest of the day. I did really well with last week's goal of knitting every day, I even finished a baby hat! I might keep it up this week to knit another one. The goal this week is to take a long walk daily, talking 30m-hour outside. It always cheers me up, after I get over the brisk cold factor. Wish me luck :)
Friday, February 5, 2010
Spreading the News
Baby Baby! Here we are posing (after a million dud pics) at 24 weeks. Baby's ultrasound turned out beautifully. It was annoying to wait 3 1/2 weeks to hear the analysis of the pictures. But as everything turned out well I'm not too upset. Baby weighed 12oz four weeks ago so I imagine he must have gained a few since then. My tummy has certainly gained a few. This black shirt is one of the few real maternity pieces I bought and I could, and do, sleep in it often. So soft!
I finally told the YMCA kiddos that I was having a baby. They were funny, lots of name suggestions and excitement. Ava, a first grader had her hands on the tummy asap singing rock-a-by-baby. Yet another difference between my middle schoolers and these kids, none of them would dare touch the tummy!
I am watching the news while the photo shoot was happening so I was a little distracted! My doctor says I have Basketball Belly, which would explain the hardness of my middle. I was kind of freaking me out, it really does feel like half a basketball is stuck under my shirt. We are inching closer to the big day- still a million and one things to do. But for now I'm happy to feel baby flip and tumble and still be able to see my feet :)
I finally told the YMCA kiddos that I was having a baby. They were funny, lots of name suggestions and excitement. Ava, a first grader had her hands on the tummy asap singing rock-a-by-baby. Yet another difference between my middle schoolers and these kids, none of them would dare touch the tummy!
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
24 Weeks
Randall Baby appointment in an hour. I'm excited to hear his heartbeat again :) I'm also anxious to hear what my doctor thinks about his 20 week ultrasound. He looked good to me :) But of course I will be more reassured after hearing that from her.
This week's goal is in full swing :) Nope, not the work out every day goal....the knit every day goal :) Hooray. I was happy to finish Baby's first quilt and wanted to work on his next project. Soooooo, Katie gave me the idea of knitting little animals to hang on a mobile. So far I have a lopsided bunny and a long legged frog. I'll snap a picture of those guys and the not-so-little baby belly soon :)
This week's goal is in full swing :) Nope, not the work out every day goal....the knit every day goal :) Hooray. I was happy to finish Baby's first quilt and wanted to work on his next project. Soooooo, Katie gave me the idea of knitting little animals to hang on a mobile. So far I have a lopsided bunny and a long legged frog. I'll snap a picture of those guys and the not-so-little baby belly soon :)
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