A Rant (consider yourself warned)

School is almost out for the summer. We have an annoying 2 and a half day schedule next week packed full of field day, talent show and awards ceremonies. Quite scholastic. So from one job to another. Wednesday I will be a teacher, Thursday I will be a full-time Mom.

Me co-worker and I had our hopes high on doing a teacher share next year. It sounded too good to be true, and like all things teacher related in the state of Michigan it ended up being just that. My half-time job share was shot done by the higher-ups and so I am left with the same job title, the same pay (with a potential increase) and the same hours. Sigh. Oh Michigan, why must you torment me on the job front? I guess this is what I get for thinking I got a sweet deal by earning my Masters in Ed in NY so I could easily transfer to a MI school when I relocated. Ugh.

The worst part of it all is just how beaten down I feel about it. I've been fighting this battle for almost two school years now. The MDE has almost go me convinced that I really am not qualified. That's the true injury. Not so much the money and the title but rather the feeling of unworthiness. And that's a shame. I don't mean to make myself out as a world-class teacher but I did earn something working with NYC public school kids in middle school no less.

There is a 2nd grade classroom teacher position opening up at my school and there are 10 people up for the job. I was speaking to one last week while we both took part chaperoning the K field trip to a farm. She's pretty convinced she wont be selected for the position. She's a new parapro, just graduated from college and is still really green. I told her about an instance in my first year. In a desperate search for something, anything that would save me from my class from Hell  I sat in on a co-teacher's English lesson. She taught those same kids (class 7A5 you haunt my dreams to this day!) and I could see it from the minute they walked in. She had it. She knew they were going to listen. She knew they would open their books to page 32 when asked. She knew thay'd at least pretend to listen, if not be slightly engaged. That was the real difference. I asked them to do things and I knew they would not respond. And they knew I knew. And they fed on me that whole year long.

But 5 years later, I am a better teacher because of those hellians. And now, I walk into a class and I know with certainty that I can control it. Not by yelling or intimidating them with my awesomeness. But I know I will win the final struggle.

And yes, that is why I deserve to be a teacher. So thanks a bundle Michigan for denying me.

Yeah, I need a vacation...