Revised Goal for the Year: Be Flexible in all Things

I'm sitting/reclining here in the hospital bed, my home since last thursday. It appears to be a beautiful day out again, you lucky ones that can get out to enjoy it. I will likely be in here for the rest of the week, me and baby boy Randall. I don't think he minds so much. Twice daily I've gotten to hear him beat away at a pretty steady 140 range and do little flips and adjustments. He is awfully cute already, if not a bit silly :)

Our little family has been going through quite a few trials. How quickly things come out of nowhere to derail you and your expectations. Our biggest expectation, baby's big arrival into our waiting arms, has been pushed forward. Now I like getting presents early but babies are another story. They seem to have a estimated time of arrival that one doesn't want to rush. Baby Randall will with us a full month early as of now, scheduled for a 36 week delivery. Thus changing his birthday month from May to April. We are nervous now. I felt like I needed every week in preparation for baby, mentally and physically. Now I feel the countdown.

I know baby will be a strong little guy, I trust he will be up to speed and weight so he can comfortably be at home with us. What I'm worried about is me, will I be a healthy mom for him? This blod clot has done a number on me. Will I be back to normal-Laura body ever? Not just talking about about weight, but health and fitness. I saw the colorful clot-monster on my second leg ultrasound yesterday and it was really hard to keep it together. My entire left thigh up to my big central torso vein has clot. It looks scary. The ultrasound tech felt bad for me and scanned over baby to try to cheer me. He was of course cute as ever- even saw he has hair on his head! I knew he'd be a hairy guy. But it's hard not to be distracted by that ugly colorful picture behind the little baby.

I want to be healthy for me and baby. I wanted to do so many things this year. All I can see for sure now is the need to  keep calm and flexible. Both are going to be hard to do. But baby and I are in it together and Jon is being strong and supportive and we are surrounded by family and friends that want us to be well. So for the hundreth time today I will remind myself of the good things coming and positive things happening and try to steer clear of the unpleasant thoughts that loiter around my brain.