Psych

Hello Wednesday. Good morning flowers on my shelf- they really are lovely and the nurses say they smell wonderful (I'm a bit stuffed up so I will trust their judgement). I'm going to make other Michaganders sad in greeting the cloudy day with a welcomed smile. Yes I was really jealous that my leg choose the key sunny pre-Spring week of the year to be in hospital while everyone else caught some beautious rays. I could use a cloudy day to make me feel better about staying in here a bit longer.

As my physical self is slow to recover my mental self is getting pretty itchy at being confined to one place. I would never wish this on anyone, never ever.

Currently I am struggling with the ugly question of why. It's hard not to feel a "why me" moment several times a day. What a useless question to ask. There is of course no answer. Even the blood work is slow to come back and will likely be inconclusive as to a reason for this. So many women are pregnant around me, I can't look at facebook without seeing another announcement. And I am so so happy for them. I am so happy for the little families I see around me. It's so hard to not be able to feel that right now. I do trust our little family will be together, but it hurts mentally right now to feel insecure about the thing I want most.

This is hard now. I hope it will fade into a story that we tell Baby later on.